


Thalassic Statuette

by LavworthMyWay



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Past Character Death, powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-05 11:37:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavworthMyWay/pseuds/LavworthMyWay
Summary: It was by chance that he was led to the mysterious boy. It was by choice, incited by his curiosity, that he sought after him. Kaworu wasn't sure what he was expecting from the quiet boy with a secret he refused to unravel. But even in his wildest imaginations could he not have anticipated the beatinest truth.





	Thalassic Statuette

Kaworu always dreamt of living in a seaside town. He imagined it to be quaint and beautiful and everything he had hoped for. Even though he grew up in the city, the pace was too stifling for him and so the moment he graduated from university he made plans to move somewhere up north. 

Move-in weekend rolled around. The journey from the city to the town took at least an hour, so Kaworu made pleasant conversation with the workers during that time. The entire process was completed by late afternoon, which was earlier than he expected. His neighbours, a middle-aged couple living next to him and the young woman living down the hallway, were kind enough to lend a hand. Kaworu was pleasantly surprised by how gregarious they were. He offered his thanks to them and the workers when everything was finished. Now that everything was settled in (save for the boxes stacked against the cream white walls which he would slowly unpack later), he took a step back and swept his new home with a satisfied glance. The windows in the living room opened up to face the buildings across the street. The apartment building right opposite was striking blue with white cross-bars. What pleased him the most was that he could see a little of the sea horizon from his bedroom. Deciding to call it a day and in a desperate need for a break, he decided to explore the town. 

The buildings were bright and beautiful, lining up along the peaceful streets with their cheery colours. They drew a jagged line across the orange sky with their irregular heights. Kaworu wandered around, leaving it up to his instincts to lead him wherever. Feet scuffing lightly against the concrete pavement, he listened in on the conversations of passers-by as he took in the architecture like it was a painting. The local accent was slightly different from his own, he observed. There was more curl in their words, adding a certain richness in their tone. 

Turning round a corner, the buildings parted to reveal the sea. The faint cry of the seagulls and crashing of waves reached his ears. The setting sun casted a glorious orange glow across the glimmering waters which was almost blinding to the eyes. The waves washed up and collapsed against the golden sand with a hiss, receding before a new set of waves rolled up to repeat the process.

From the distance, he saw a line of figure on the shore. It was a tiny stripe of black against the broad streaks of orange and purple and the stretched sheet of diamonds. There was an air of melancholic solitude about it and it was nothing short of enchanting. Kaworu observed the stiff and silent figure for a moment before curiosity took over him and he walked to it. 

The figure morphed into a boy of his age. He gazed solemnly at the horizon, short brown locks fluttering messily in the sea breeze. His posture was neither tight nor relaxed. If he were plastered to the rocks, he would have been almost undetectable. Kaworu couldn’t help likening him to a statue. A marble statue that was cursed with its immobility and unable to break free. 

He seemed to notice Kaworu approaching him. Turning his head to face the incoming stranger, his body turned rigid and his expression was guarded. Now that he was closer, Kaworu noticed nearly every inch of the boy’s skin was covered. His sleeves cut off neatly at his wrists and kissed the heels of his ivory white gloves. The cuffs of his black trousers folded around his ankles. His well-worn sneakers shuffled against the sand as he shifted to look at Kaworu better. 

Kaworu stopped two arms’ length away from him. 

“Hello.” 

Bewilderment was written all over his face. Whatever he was expecting, amiability was not one of them. Kaworu supposed it was natural to assume the worse when approached by strangers, though crime rates in the city were far higher than those in towns. The surprise quickly wore off and the boy considered him with narrowed eyes.

Kaworu offered a gentle smile to quell his wariness. “I noticed you looking very intently at the sea. Do you like it?”

The boy tilted his head in contemplation like this was the first time he was asked such a question. When he answered, his words were hesitant and careful. “I don’t know.”

“That’s fine.” Unperturbed, he turned to the sea and admired the hypnotising roll of the waves. The sea air was bracing and briny. It had been a while since he had seen the sea up close. It was rather therapeutic. “I like the sea. It’s calming.” 

From the corner of his eye, Kaworu saw him glancing at him uncertainly. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another and rubbing his hands – classic signs of nervousness. He probably hadn’t been approached by strangers much. It was for the best that he made the other feel more at ease with him. He didn’t intend to frighten the poor boy, after all.

“I recently moved here. It’s a lovely town and the people I met so far have been very pleasant.” 

The boy scowled, like he was perplexed by Kaworu’s words. It was a little baffling, to say the least, that a local would grimace at a compliment about their home. _Campanilismo_ : a sense of identity, pride, and community to one’s local home. But he supposed some people could be discontented with the place they lived in. 

“Being a seaside town, the sea is naturally one of its popular attractions.” He continued. “I’m lucky to be able to admire it from where I live.” 

“I have to go.” The boy suddenly said and started to turn hastily in the other direction. “Goodbye. It was nice knowing you.” 

Kaworu didn’t think he heard sincerity in his farewell, but he gave a genuine smile all the same. “It was a pleasure knowing you.” 

Watching the fading figure shuffle away, he felt a twinge of dejection and guilt. He wondered if he had upset the boy and a series of what-ifs ran through his head. But no matter how many conversation paths he explored, the outcomes were still obscure smears to him. 

* * *

 

Kaworu had the itch to buy some books, so he slipped into the first bookstore he laid his eyes on when walking down the streets that morning. 

The cast iron bell tinkled in cheerful invitation when he pushed the door open. The distinct biblichor and warm low-hanging lights created a sense of cosiness in the bookstore. At one side, an oak ladder rested against the cherry wood bookcases which stood tall against the parchment-coloured walls. Sauntering down the shelves, he lazily stroked the spines of books before finding those that piqued his interest and brought them to the counter. The employee had his nose buried in a book as well, and lifted his head when he heard incoming footsteps. 

Kaworu broke into a smile when he saw who it was. The other person, however, looked slightly disgruntled. 

“It’s you again.” The boy mumbled. 

“Hello again.” 

“Can I help you with anything?” 

“Yes, I would like to purchase these.” He placed the books onto the counter. The boy gave a curt nod and proceeded to scan them. He was dressed in similar apparel as before, almost completely covered from head to toe save for his face. What was additional was the name tag pinned on his left chest which read ‘Ikari Shinji’. 

“Are you not warm?” Even though the store was well-ventilated, it was in the middle of summer and Kaworu couldn’t imagine it being very comfortable wearing that the entire day. Still, the buildings weren’t towering nor were they compacted, so the breeze could easily pass through. There was no way it could beat the city summer when the heat was trapped among skyscrapers and thus left to bake the busy streets below.

Shinji’s eyes flickered up, suspicion evident in them. “I have sensitive skin.” He said after a while. 

Knowing it was impolite to prod further, Kaworu hummed in acknowledgement and Shinji promptly resumed his work. 

“About that day, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” 

Shinji froze. He blinked twice before looking up with owlish eyes. “Uh, okay?” 

Kaworu wondered if he wasn’t expecting an apology. “The locals I met so far were very friendly, so I made a wrong assumption you'd respond similarly. I apologise for being too forward and making you feel uncomfortable.” 

Eyes darting between Kaworu and the books, Shinji's cheeks began to flush with embarrassment. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly as he struggled for words. “A-Apology taken?” 

Slightly surprised yet pleased with this sudden turn of events, Kaworu was tempted to tease him further but settled with a fresh start. “May I start over?” 

By then, Shinji’s embarrassment faded and he was back to his usual cautious self. He considered Kaworu with a calculating stare, in serious rumination whether he should give this strange city boy a chance. “Okay.” He finally agreed with a clipped tone.

Kaworu smiled warmly. It was clear Shinji chose people very carefully, so it wouldn’t do him good to give himself a poor impression the second time. “I’m Nagisa Kaworu and I just moved here from the capital city. I graduated from university just last year.” 

“I’m Ikari Shinji and… I’ve been here all my life?” Shinji looked a little at loss trying to introduce himself. “Also, I work here?” 

Kaworu let out an amused chuckle and Shinji relaxed upon his reaction. 

“Anyway,” Shinji held out a paper bag with Kaworu’s books in it, “Here you go.” 

“Thank you, Ikari.” 

“Have a nice day… Nagisa.” There was sincerity in his tone this time. Kaworu was delighted at this improvement. 

* * *

 

Kaworu dropped by the bookstore the next day. There weren’t as many patrons today, since it was the beginning of the week.

This time instead of reading, Shinji was scrolling through his phone, but quickly looked up when he noticed an approaching figure. His eyes lit up in recognition but his expression remained neutral. At the back of his mind, Kaworu was glad Shinji worked in a bookstore. It was convenient to visit him and it gave Kaworu much more opportunities to catch up on his reading. University life was too hectic for him to open a book that was unrelated to his syllabus.

“Hello, Ikari.” 

“Nagisa.” He said with monotonous politeness. “Can I help you with anything?” 

“Not really. I wanted to talk to you.” 

“Oh.” Shinji’s brows lifted, clearly not expecting his geniality. The mask of scepticism dropped. Caught off guard once more, he scratched his cheek a little awkwardly. “Okay. H-How’s the town so far?” 

“Very lovely. It’s just as I hoped. Things may be a little pricey sometimes, but everything else is good.” 

“Oh. Good.” 

Unsure of how to respond further, Shinji squirmed a little in his seat. His usual dash of curiosity and poor habit of people-watching kicking in, Kaworu took in all those details with a watchful eye. That intensely keen gaze when he focused on observing situations probably didn’t help to soothe Shinji’s nerves, either.

“Are you due for a lunch break?”

“In a few minutes, yeah.” 

“Are you having lunch with anyone?” 

“No.” Shinji drawled, quickly catching on to what Kaworu was implying. 

“May I join you?” Kaworu was convivial by nature, but something about Shinji pushed him to get to befriend him even more that he would to others. Perhaps it was the fact they were of similar age and the boy before him struck him as very puzzling. It was difficult trying to get a grasp of Shinji as a person, but Kaworu always had a weak spot for challenging puzzles. 

Shinji looked away with his lips set in a reluctant line, like he was mustering up a good reason to turn him down. Kaworu was prepared to be turned down and was perfectly alright with it. If Shinji wasn’t comfortable enough to eat with him, then so be it.

“Okay.”

Kaworu blinked once. Then again. “Oh. That’s great.”

Shinji brought him to a nearby local eatery. The instant they stepped in, the sweet aroma of bread and coffee wafted to Kaworu’s nose. Metal clunk against ceramic as the staff tended to their customers. Wood scraped against wood as people pulled in or out their chairs. The place pleasantly buzzed with chatter, interspersed with laughter and the occasional yelps. They found themselves a table quickly and got their food.  

“Nagisa---“ 

“Kaworu is fine.” 

There was a slight jerk in Shinji’s motions. He was taken by surprise but quickly caught himself. Kaworu wondered if there was limit to the number of times he defied Shinji’s expectations of him. He didn’t think he was as unpredictable as Shinji made him out to be. None of his family and friends ever pointed it out to him before. But there was a first for everything.

“Kaworu.” He tested the name on his tongue. 

Said person beamed in response. 

“I guess Shinji is fine too.” He said hastily and paused, trying to recall his intended question. “So, is the food okay?” 

Kaworu looked at his open sandwich. “It’s lovely. Must be nice to have this for lunch every day.” 

Shinji shrugged. Kaworu supposed that having meals in this eatery regularly took away the sense of specialness. It was inevitable to normalise a routine. It didn’t help that Kaworu wasn’t a local and thus would be impressed with everything in the town.

“Can I come by more often? I haven’t made many friends since coming here.” 

Shinji raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “You sure? You struck up a conversation with the waitress pretty easily.” 

“That is true, but I feel like I get along the best with you.” Kaworu answered sincerely. 

Once again, Shinji was stunned into silence. His cheeks were painted a light pink. Then, almost immediately before Kaworu could put much thought into it, he looked away with a slight pout. “W-Well, if that’s how you feel.” 

From then on, Kaworu visited Shinji almost every day. He brought the books he bought to read. Initially, Shinji regarded him with a look of disbelief, seemingly finding it strange Kaworu found his second home right there in the bookstore. But what became part of a routine was normalised, and soon Shinji no longer questioned his choices when he dropped by, made himself comfortable on the mahogany stairs, and began his daily reading. Working in a bookstore wasn’t really adrenaline-pumping or stress-inducing, so whenever Shinji inevitably fell prey to boredom, his ennui manifesting into yawning and pen-spinning, Kaworu shared with him about the book he was reading at that moment. To his pleasant surprise, Shinji was quite articulate and eloquent about his opinions, although initially he was reluctant about revealing his thoughts. Once Shinji saw how open-minded Kaworu was, it unlocked a well-secured door of thoughts and he reciprocated more frequently during their discussions. His thinking was matured and even offered new perspectives for Kaworu to consider. Just as they were getting used to their intellectual back-and-forth, Kaworu found a waitering job at a diner and thus frequented the bookstore less. They exchanged contact details, however, to keep in touch. 

In one of their text conversations, Kaworu mentioned about the art museum he wanted to visit over the weekend. 

 _You’re gonna go on the weekends?_ Kaworu could hear Shinji’s disbelief through the words. _It’s expensive as hell. Drop by on Wednesday. It’s half the price._  

Now curious, Kaworu shared the rest of his sightseeing plans, most of which were swiftly shot down by Shinji who provided better options. 

 _Thank you! What would I be without you?_  

 _Someone with no lunch money, I guess._  

 _Would you like to come along? I think we can both see I am in need of a local tour guide._  

Shinji took a while to reply. 

 _I guess I can make it for the music museum._  

Shinji’s suggestions proved to be very useful, saving Kaworu a lot of time and money. He was able to have a far enjoyable time at the various attractions. Besides spending lesser money on the entrance fees, he noticed things that even tourists with travel books wouldn’t notice. He had knowledge of shortcuts that could bring him from one place to another faster. He even had dinner at a small restaurant which served spectacular seafood that only locals know about.

Kaworu offered to treat Shinji to dinner to express his gratitude, but Shinji insisted otherwise. So he went to his bookstore and bought five more books.

They agreed to meet at the entrance of the music museum. Shinji admitted he hadn’t been there in a few years. There was a bounce in his step that he was trying his utmost to repress, but Kaworu noticed it all the same. Turned out, Shinji had a deep interest in music and had been playing the cello every since he was a child. Kaworu told him he played the piano and violin. 

The museum echoed with indistinct murmurs and footsteps against marble floor. Walking up the curved stairs, they headed to the main exhibit. Shinji pointed at one of the more unique-looking historic instruments. Kaworu remembered seeing a fridge magnet of that in a souvenir shop. “That’s the oldest string instrument in this town. In the past, it was used during every festival or major event. Sometimes, they brought it to the royal ball and performed before the royal family. In a sense, it’s like a good luck charm or a mascot of this town.” 

Walking further down the gallery, he went on giving out fascinating information about other significant instruments which Kaworu absorbed fully. His blue eyes twinkled with barely concealed excitement and there was a hint of a smile on his lips. Perhaps it was the fact that he was getting accustomed to Kaworu’s presence and was immersed in an environment he loved, for Shinji was slowly but surely shedding the layer of scepticism and was unconsciously invited Kaworu into his heavily shielded world. 

A childhood memory flashed across Kaworu’s mind and he thought it was timely to share it. “You know, when I saw the violin family for the first time as a child, I thought the violin would grow into a cello or double bass. I thought people were raising their violins like pets and I wanted to do the same. I almost cried when I realised it was not the case.” 

Shinji burst into laughter. The sound was light and the timbre of his voice was warm. His eyes crinkled and his face immediately lit up. It was the happiest Kaworu had seen him. For a moment, he was star-struck, unable to keep his eyes off him. 

“You have a lovely laugh.”

At once, Shinji’s face fell and his cheeks coloured a dark pink. A cold wave of nervous guilt hit Kaworu, convincing him that he had said something wrong. But before words of apology left him, Shinji spoke first. “Why do you say such things?”

Kaworu blinked. “What do you mean?” 

A confused frown etched on his face. He stared at Kaworu like he was trying to figure him out, dismantling that compliment word by word to scrutinise his intentions. “Nice things. About me.” 

“Because I feel like you are those things I describe, so I tell you.” Kaworu gave an honest reply. “I like you, Shinji.” 

Shinji flinched, startled by the simple and straightforward confession. “I don’t get it. What’s there about me to like about? I’m no good. I’m nowhere as good as you.”

His words stunned Kaworu. “That’s not true. You’re as good as me, if not better.” 

“You hardly know me. How can you possibly know that I’m good?” Shinji retorted in frustration. 

“The quantity of time we spent together does not equal to the quality of our interaction.” 

Shinji frowned, clearly unconvinced. So Kaworu made sure he wasn’t. 

“Your favourite food is hamburger. Classical is your favourite music genre. You play the cello, but sometimes you want to learn to play the tuba. You usually wear blue, but your favourite colour is actually purple.” 

Gasping audibly, Shinji gaped at him in surprise. Kaworu took a step forward and reached to tenderly hold Shinji’s hand in his. The boy jumped, but didn’t pull away. “You have also read practically every book in the crime fiction and fantasy genre in your bookstore. I learnt, in our time together discussing over books, that you have strong opinions about many things, especially on the matter on equality and discrimination.”

He rubbed his thumb across Shinji’s knuckles. The silk glove was soft and smooth but he wished he was touching Shinji’s skin instead. He couldn’t see in him what Kaworu did, though Kaworu didn’t blame it. Sometimes, the hardest character to comprehend was oneself. A mirror, after all, was not always as clear as a pair of eyes. Shinji was mulling over his words, quietly transfixed on their connected hands. “You’re so nice to me. Why are you so nice?” 

Kaworu thought over his words carefully. At this crucial point, he felt like he was balancing precariously on a rope. One wrong word would tip him over and send him plummeting straight down into nothingness, dragging Shinji down with him. “It’s because you mean something to me.”

Snapping his head up, Shinji gawked at Kaworu in disbelief, as if this was the first time he had heard such words spoken about him, to him. He seemed perplexed by the notion of being significant to someone. Kaworu couldn't help but be saddened by such a response. There was so much to be implied from it. 

They resumed their tour in silence. Kaworu’s confession must have sparked something in Shinji. It must have made him aware that someone was actually fond of him. And that someone was right next to him. A sense of bashfulness clung onto him, compelling him to steal glances Kaworu’s way and hastily turning away with red tinting his face when he got caught staring. But at the same time, he grew more distant, giving one word answers and avoiding eye contact whenever Kaworu asked him questions. Kaworu figured that he made things between him and his friend uncomfortable, so he apologised. But Shinji disagreed. 

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” 

Kaworu thought this was all very cliché, but he didn’t voice it out. “How could it be your fault?” 

“You don’t want to end up with someone like me. I’m not good for you.” 

Shinji said something similar like this before. Kaworu didn’t understand why Shinji saw himself as such, but he was patient and concerned and determined to learn the reason. “What do you mean?” 

He frowned, thinking long and hard. Then he raised his hand. “Look at this. I don’t like to touch people. That means you can’t touch my skin. That isn’t good for a relationship.” 

“Skin-to-skin contact isn’t always necessary for an intimate relationship. Besides, we don’t have to be in a relationship. I’m happy to have us remain as friends if that makes you happy.” 

“But it won’t make you happy.” Shinji argued. 

“My happiness is your happiness.”

“That’s not how a relationship works. It has to be two-way.” 

Unable to come up of a response to defend his stance, Kaworu was silent. The other shook his head and offered a wry smile. “You’re selfless to a fault, you know that? It’ll drive you to exhaustion in the long run.” His face darkened for a second as a memory crossed his mind. “And I’m just, I don’t know, scared? Of hurting you. Of being hated by you when you find out who I really am.” 

“You won’t hurt me, Shinji, and I can never hate you.”

“That’s because you don’t know what I am!” Shinji snapped hotly. A few curious heads turned to look at the commotion but were ignored by the both of them, though Shinji shrunk into himself in abashment.

“Then tell me what you are.” Kaworu requested as calm as he could.

It was on the tip of Shinji’s tongue. Kaworu could tell. But Shinji was also holding himself back so insistently there was no way he could coax it out of him right now. Kaworu knew that Shinji was as immovable as a mountain when he wanted to be.

Aware that this conversation was going nowhere, Kaworu’s shoulders slumped and he sighed. “It’s alright if you can’t tell me now, but please don’t assume my feelings for me and push me away. It’s saddening that I can’t comfort you because I don’t know the reason.”

Shinji opened his mouth to retort, but closed it when he realised Kaworu was right. Heaving a deep sigh, he stared pointedly at the floor, retreating back into his own thoughts. “Are you sure it’s me you want?” 

A gentle smile graced Kaworu’s features. “You and only you.” 

Shinji returned a gaze with an intensity which burned Kaworu to the core, and yet it was one that was incredibly forlorn. Kaworu was conflicted on how he should feel about that.

* * *

 

Shinji didn’t mention it again until a week later when Kaworu dropped by his workplace during his off-day. When he greeted Shinji, he didn’t look up from the table. He didn’t even respond. Although he found it unusual, Kaworu assumed he was probably asleep and ascended the stairs quietly.

Then he heard a timid voice speaking up.

“I want y-you and only you t-too.”

Kaworu tripped up the stairs, which creaked in protest as he slammed his feet on them to regain balance. Flushing with embarrassment and inwardly cursing at his impossibly untimely carelessness, he allowed himself a few seconds to reclaim his composure and possibly his dignity. When he finally turned at a torturous pace to gape at the other, he realised he didn’t really need to worry about himself. Shinji was in no better state. He fidgeted feverishly on the spot, wringing his hands and kept his eyes stubbornly downcast on the floor. Kaworu’s theatrical reaction probably even worsened his anxiety. After abruptly stammering his way through his confession, he was trying his best not to cower behind the counter. He looked like he was ready to bolt out of the door any moment. Kaworu figured he should at least say something, give a proper response, something that would calm Shinji’s nerves. After all, he was the one who confessed first and therefore should gracefully accept his feelings. So the reply he gave was:

“Oh.”

Kaworu didn’t recall being half that nervous during things like presentations and examinations. He didn’t recall being that nervous for many things to the point it impaired his speech. And he didn’t recall being so nervous around Shinji. Curious, yes. Excited, definitely.

“But you have to promise me you can’t touch me directly.” Shinji’s voice tugged him back into reality. There was firmness and finality in his tone, a stark contrast to his quivering form. 

“I promise.” Kaworu answered without hesitancy.

His words finally put Shinji at ease, who gave a small smile. “So, uh, what are you gonna read today?”

* * *

 

Things were about the same between the two of them. Except that Kaworu now was blessed with the countless opportunities to hold Shinji’s hand. They were clearly the hands of a musician. His fingers were slender and his palm was broad. Shinji wasn’t as forward but he was more than happy to be on the receiving end of his partner’s affections although he rarely voiced it out. Once when Kaworu was absent-mindedly playing with Shinji's hand, a random thought winked past his mind. Slowly to avoid detection, he pressed a light kiss on his knuckles. The glove was cool against his lips and Kaworu was transported to a time of royal balls where everyone was adorned with extravagant costumes and a beautiful prince had graced Kaworu with his presence and offered a hand to him. At the back of his mind, he recalled there was meaning behind kisses at various parts of the body though the exact meanings were lost to him at the moment. When he looked up, Shinji was gawking at him with parted lips. A fierce blush was spreading its way down his neck, majority hidden beneath his collar. Kaworu merely smiled which caused Shinji to sputter in further embarrassment.

As promised, Kaworu made sure not to touch Shinji’s skin. Shinji had yet to explain but Kaworu didn’t pressure him to. He was willing to wait until he was comfortable enough to share his secret. 

During one of the weekends, Kaworu invited Shinji over for dinner. He decided to prepare dishes from his hometown. Shinji helped out with the setting of tables. 

His cooking was quite good, if he did say so himself. After all, he did put in a lot of effort to impress Shinji. He had been preparing the dishes since morning. Everything was prepared from scratch – marinating, deboning and the like. He knew his hard work paid off when Shinji took his first bite and let out an appreciative moan. It gave his morale quite a raise, since Shinji had enough culinary skills under his belt to open a restaurant. Kaworu once asked him why he had not pursued a career in the culinary arts. Shinji didn’t think he was suited to be a chef. 

Shinji offered to wash the dishes since Kaworu cooked. Kaworu insisted  _he_  should clean because Shinji was the guest. So they ended up cleaning up together. After drying the tableware, they made their way to the living room. But Shinji happened to make a turn too sharp and his foot was caught by the leg of a chair. His hands flailed as he attempted to break his fall. 

“Shinji!” Instinctively, Kaworu reached for his hand, but miscalculated his grip and his fingers ended up curling around the exposed skin between his cuff and glove. 

A patch of white light bloomed right between their point of contact. They both jumped from the sudden phenomenon. Shinji tore his hand away from Kaworu, as if scorched. Baffled by the light, Kaworu turned to Shinji and was even more surprised to see him on the verge of tears. Lower lip quivering and fearful eyes darting between his hand and the ghost of the glow, Shinji looked completely devastated. 

“Shinji…?” Kaworu whispered slowly. However, said person remained lost in thought and paid him no attention. Concern gnawed at Kaworu and he cautiously reached for Shinji’s shoulder. 

The movement seemed to startle Shinji out of his internal ramble. He immediately shrunk away from Kaworu, withering into himself. His hands clutched his head in a way which shielded himself from Kaworu and he pulled harshly at his hair, knees pressed as tightly as possible against his chest. 

“Don’t touch me.” He hissed, watery eyes glaring daggers but they were not aimed at Kaworu. Kaworu couldn’t help feeling hurt and frightened by the unfamiliar animosity, but the rational part of him reasoned with him to get to the bottom of this and find out what incited such a hostile reaction out of Shinji. 

“Shinji, can you tell me what’s wrong? What did I do?” Kaworu asked softly, feeling like he was cajoling a terrified animal. 

He shook his head feverishly, biting back his lip harshly to the point of breaking skin to stop himself from speaking his mind. Broken gasps escaped him and it was then Kaworu realised Shinji was crying. Each sob was a painful stab to Kaworu’s heart. Shinji was suffocated by his hurricane of emotions and he had no means to reach him, not with the impenetrable barricade of anguish and fear. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t try harder. 

“Shinji,” Kaworu implored more firmly, “Can you tell me what is on your mind? Is it because I touched your skin?” 

Shinji flinched violently. Kaworu knew he got his answer. 

Guilt ate away at Kaworu, now knowing the cause of his panic. Although it was an accident, he promised he wouldn’t touch Shinji directly. If he knew it would come to this, he would have been ten folds more careful.

“I’m sorry I touched you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ll make sure I won’t do it again.” 

“I told you, I told you.” Shinji shook his head again. “T-Told you I’ll hurt you.” 

Kaworu frowned. “How have you hurt me?”

“It’s always me. I always screw things up. It’s all my fault. Should’ve stayed away in the first place…” He muttered lifelessly, slipping away into his endless cycle of self-deprecation.

“Shinji, please. Please talk to me.” It was agony – wanting to hold Shinji and soothe him but knew touching him – even without skin contact – was completely off the table. It would only trigger irrational fear and make him withdraw further into himself and away from him.

Shinji burst into tears and collapsed on the floor, as if the notion of spilling the truth was all too much for both of them to bear. It probably was, Kaworu thought, but he’d rather share the burden than helplessly watching Shinji suffer all by himself. It tormented Kaworu, wrenching him from the inside.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Kaworu.” He cried. “T-The light… It’s because of me. I can’t control it.” 

“Can’t control what?” He begged.

“Taking your life!” Shinji blurted out. It was as if Pandora’s Box was snapped open. The truth finally spilled out, leaving raging irreversible destruction in its wake. Unable to handle his own revelation, Shinji sobbed harder and buried his face between his knees, his arms wrapped around his legs in a vice-like grip. 

Everything stilled to a freezing halt. Kaworu’s surroundings blurred into indistinguishable swirls and blocks. He couldn’t see anything except Shinji’s small, shivering figure. He couldn’t hear anything except Shinji’s shaky breaths. But in amidst of the haze, there was only one thing he wanted to do. He battled himself on whether he should touch Shinji, but his emotions won over his caution. Slowly, he reached his hand out and placed it on Shinji’s back. He flinched and coiled tighter within himself, but made no move to push Kaworu away.

Rubbing circles on Shinji’s back, Kaworu hushed at him and comforted him the best he could. The crying dulled and stopped completely after a while. Kaworu tipped his head back and saw that Shinji fell asleep from exhaustion. His cheeks were wet with tears and Kaworu was pierced with anguish at such a heart-wrenching sight. Carefully, he picked him up and carried him to the bedroom. 

Kaworu slept in the guest bedroom that night. 

* * *

 

Kaworu woke up first the next morning. As he stared blankly at the ceiling, the unfortunate event from the previous day trickled back into his mind. Remorse sat heavy on his chest and his lips pulled into a taut line. But he knew lying there and regretting did nothing, so he got up and slipped into his bedroom as quietly as he could. Casting a glance at the bed, he saw Shinji sleeping soundly. He must have tossed and turned sometime during the night, as the blanket was wound tightly around him. It wasn’t unlike a piece of armour to protect himself. From what, Kaworu was almost sure. A slight frown was etched on Shinji’s face and Kaworu was terribly tempted to smoothen it out. But he held back the urge and walked to his wardrobe. Taking one long look at his clothes, he finally decided on the perfect set and changed into them. After that, he went to prepare breakfast. 

His culinary skills certainly didn’t match up to Shinji’s, but living alone forced him to make something at least decent. Scooping two eggs from the carton and grabbing the pancake mix from the cupboard, he got to work. 

The sizzling of eggs echoed across the open kitchen. It lifted his spirits slightly. Perhaps it took his mind away from sorrowful thoughts and gave him something good to look forward to. Kaworu liked his eggs sunny-side up, but Shinji preferred his scrambled. 

( _“I suppose that’s why I’m usually cheerful, and you’re a bit of everything.” Kaworu commented jokingly._  

 _Shinji inhaled sharply. “Oh my god.” He exclaimed incredulously. “No.”_  

 _Kaworu offered a winsome smile. “Don’t be so egg-xasperated.”_  

 _“If you make another pun I’m gonna knock your front teeth out.”_  

 _They both knew he wouldn’t, but Kaworu didn’t say another word nonetheless.)_  

The memory brought a warm smile to his face. Wallowed in nostalgia, he quickly finished up with the eggs and continued with the pancake mix. 

The aroma of pancakes must have woken up Shinji, for he heard the door creaking open just as he finished one batch. Footsteps shuffled against the wooden floor and came to an abrupt halt. 

“What are you wearing?” 

Kaworu turned around, head tilted and spatula in hand, to see Shinji gaping at him in bewilderment. With a terrible yet endearing case of bed hair and rumpled clothes, Shinji was simply adorable. The sight of something so domestic and private made his heart lurch, which he hastily calmed in favour of answering the question. “Clothes.” 

Shinji rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I know that. I mean, why are you wearing that?” 

“You only absorb my life through skin contact, right?”  

He nodded, expression ridden with guilt.

“So if I cover myself up as well, it’ll be okay, right?” Kaworu walked up to Shinji and raised his gloved hands. The brunet warily eyed his movements, but made no move to shy away. Gently and slowly, he cupped Shinji’s face. 

Kaworu brushed a thumb across Shinji’s cheek, who instinctively closed his eyes and leaned into his touch. It was an incredibly tender gesture and Kaworu marvelled at the way Shinji’s eyes fluttered shut and the way he relaxed at a simple touch and at the way he felt in his palm.

“Why?” It came out as a weak whisper. As if he was trying his utmost to push Kaworu out of his dangerous life because it did neither of them any good but could no longer find it in him to do so. “Why are you doing so much for me?” 

Shinji knew why. Kaworu knew he knew why. 

A heavy sigh escaped Shinji’s lips. “’M gonna go wash up.” 

“There should be an extra set in the cabinet.” 

While Shinji shuffled to the bathroom, Kaworu quickly set up the table. Fortunately, he noted in relief, the pancakes did not burn in his absence. Shinji returned in a few minutes and he quietly took in the plate of breakfast before him. A soft smile tugged at his lips and warmth flooded the other to see him unwind after all that had happened. Wordlessly, he dug in and Kaworu followed suit. 

The brunet took a bite of the egg and hummed. “It’s good.” 

“Thank you.” 

Upon hearing the words of gratitude, Shinji paused and looked up. Kaworu stole a concerned glance at his partner and saw piercing eyes staring right back at him. They held eye contact for a while, both trying to interpret what the other was thinking. Kaworu looked away first. Shinji hesitated for a bit before placing his utensils down.

“No, thank you.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, brows furrowed and clearly searching for the right words. “I-It’s just, you’ve done so much for me. You didn’t high tail out of here when you found out. You don’t hate me, you’re not even angry at me. And most importantly, you’re not scared of me. Now, you’re even covering yourself up for me.” A weak chuckle escaped him. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” 

“You were you.” Kaworu reached out to intertwine their fingers, causing Shinji to look up at him. “I like you for who you are. This ability is part of you so I accept it too. I want to make things work between us, so I’m doing what I can to make you feel comfortable with me. Love is ensuring your partner can be themselves with you and feel like they belong. That is what I want to do for you.” 

As Kaworu spoke, Shinji’s composure began to crumble. He sucked in a deep breath, blinking rapidly as he struggled to keep himself together. Kaworu’s words were raw and real and Shinji seemed at loss of how to handle his overflowing emotions. “Is it your life goal now to make me cry at least once a day?” 

“If and only if they are tears of happiness.”

At that, a soft chuckle escaped Shinji. He looked Kaworu straight in the eye, a benign smile gracing his lips and crinkling eyes glinting like he couldn’t believe his partner spouted such ridiculous words. “I get used to stuff pretty easily. You better review your material every night before you sleep then.”  

Kaworu’s breath hitched. The stirring in his chest was far stronger than that time at the museum, far stronger than anything else. He felt like he was blazing from the inside and yet enveloped with serenity. He felt light, light enough to float away, yet Shinji’s presence kept him grounded. Everything else seemed to fade out to nothingness and all he could sense was Shinji. It frightened and thrilled him upon the realisation that this was an image he craved to see every day, for the rest of life. At that very moment, there was nothing more he yearned than to be by Shinji’s side and see him smile so blissfully. It was as if nothing else mattered.

He was in love with Shinji. 

Picking up on the change in mood, Shinji’s smile faded and he glanced at him uncertainly. “Kaworu?” 

“I-I’m fine.” Kaworu felt his cheeks warm and hoped his blush went unnoticed. Apparently not, for Shinji raised an eyebrow though he chose not to prod. In a poor attempt to divert his attention, Kaworu asked, “About that ability of yours, how does it work?” 

Shinji let out a low sigh. "Whenever I touch someone, their life energy seeps into me. It adds years to my life." 

"So you're like a vampire." 

A smirk tugged at Shinji’s lips before it disappeared. "Kinda. But it's not like I need it to survive. This power is cursed enough already." 

The urge to correct Shinji was tremendous, but he knew little about how Shinji’s abilities had been affecting him, so his retort would have been superficial and hurt Shinji even further. Instead, he held up a piece of pancake to Shinji’s mouth to take a bite. 

* * *

 

On one of the days, Shinji picked the pier for their date night. The lamp posts shone bright above them, illuminating the pier in the evening light. There was a couple or two lounging around. Shinji and Kaworu walked across the pier, their interwoven fingers snug in Kaworu’s coat pocket. Their shoes tapped softly under the wooden planks as they leisurely made their way to the end. 

The ends of Kaworu’s scarf started to flap in the wind and slapped Shinji in the face, who squawked in reflex. Kaworu pressed his lips into a smile while Shinji hurriedly tucked his scarf under his coat in mock irritation. 

“It is quite windy out here don’t you think, Mr Ikari?” Kaworu remarked dryly. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth, Mr Nagisa,” Shinji quipped, “My, I’d say that should this windy weather persists, it might even pick up some unsuspecting blokes. Especially those who sing like a goat.” 

A crestfallen look crossed Kaworu’s face. “Don’t be so harsh. You don’t sound like a goat.” 

Shinji widened his eyes upon realisation that he walked right into that one. Indignant that Kaworu had the gall to tease him and that he was foolish enough to be tricked, he puffed his cheeks in annoyance and glowered at him. But when Kaworu giggled at his expression he dropped the look and laughed along with him. 

Kaworu couldn’t keep his eyes off Shinji’s smile. Even till now, his heart seized up at the sight of it. It was as if there was nothing in the world that could bring him down. Kaworu's body followed his heart’s desire and when he realised it his hand was cradling his partner’s face, his thumb gently grazing his lips which parted in response. Shinji let out an involuntary shudder, his eyes glowed a mellow blue behind heavy lids. It ignited something deep within Kaworu. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it was burning inside of him. An ache which crackled along every inch of his body. 

“Can I kiss you?” The request tumbled past his lips before he registered it. 

Broken from his trance, Shinji blinked and looked at Kaworu. “What?” 

Embarrassment clung onto Kaworu and he hastily averted his gaze to the horizon. It wasn’t something he should have brought up so carelessly. “Forget I said that.” 

Shinji frowned, his expression turning sour. “We can’t. You know that.” 

He pulled away from Kaworu’s touch. His hand felt empty from the loss of that familiar warmth. Shinji must have seen the look on his face, for he let out a soft sigh and laced their fingers together.

“I don’t want to risk it.” Shinji’s eyes bore solemnly into his. “I don’t want to hurt you again.” 

“I understand. I’m sorry for putting you in a difficult spot.” 

Shinji shook his head. “No, it’s just… You have no idea how much I want this too.” 

“I think I do.” Kaworu simpered at him, who shot back a half-hearted glare. But then Shinji deflated and looked away. 

“I don’t know if I can bear losing you, not after her.” 

Kaworu tilted his head, waiting expectantly. Shinji sighed deeply and leaned on the wooden railings, as if the mere thought had sucked some of his energy out of him. 

“She wasn’t the perfect guardian, but she took care of me the best she could and gave no damn about my power. She wasn’t scared of me and treated me like a normal person. She did her best to make sure I live a normal life like everyone else. That’s more than I could ask of anyone. But there’s so much a person can do.” 

He proceeded to tell Kaworu about the ill-fated day. Shinji was ten when someone first found out. One of those people who would pick on the weak and get into fights in dark narrow alleys. So the last person Shinji ever wanted to find out about his ability. But he did. He gathered some of his friends to corner him and beat him up. “Thought I was some vermin, some cursed freak, who should just die.” He spat. “So they threw me into the sea after that. I never learnt to swim, so I didn't know how to stay afloat or swim back. I was drowning." Shinji started to shiver at the memory. Kaworu put his hand around Shinji’s shoulder and rubbed it to ease some of his nerves. 

“The next thing I knew, I felt something, or someone, dragging me from behind. I was pretty delirious by that time, but she was shouting into my ear to make sure I stay awake. And I knew for sure it was Misato. I don't know how she found me, but I was glad she did. I felt myself regaining energy, but it wasn't because I was being hauled back to shore. There's no way Misato could avoid skin contact at that point, so I was leeching off her life. She must have felt it too, but she didn't let go. I told her to. She'll die if she didn’t." 

He sucked in a harsh breath to stifle a sob. "By the time we got back to shore, she was dying. But even then she held onto me. She only let go when I was safely on the sand. She collapsed immediately. I cried for help. There were a few people there, but it was too late. She---" 

There was a crack in his voice and he couldn’t go on. Kaworu tugged him into an embrace, running comforting strokes down his back. He felt Shinji tremble in his arms as he silently wept into his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry. She sounded like an amazing woman.” 

Shinji chuckled wetly. “She was.”

As Kaworu held him tightly, he concentrated on the way Shinji’s chest expanded and constricted. He imagined Shinji as a child. Small and thin and fragile. And yet, he had to carry such an enormous emotional burden on his shoulders. He had to live with the guilt, forced to suffer alone quietly because there was no one else like him and if people found out they would have done unspeakable things to him. Kaworu had nothing but admiration and respect for the incredible boy before him. He was glad to have met him and he was glad to have fallen in love with him. 

“Thank you.” Shinji wrapped his arms around his torso. Kaworu fondly ran his fingers through his hair. 

* * *

 

They discussed moving in together. Kaworu’s apartment had more space and was more suitable for their everyday needs. Shinji agreed to move in but couldn’t find it in himself to sell his apartment. After all, it was originally Misato’s. Shinji brought him back home several times. It was neat and well-kept and showed signs that there was only one inhabitant in the apartment, but Kaworu could tell there were remnants of someone else. He saw her in the framed photographs in Shinji’s room. Her smile was bright and her spirit was sunny. Kaworu could tell where Shinji got his smile from. The Shinji that still had Misato by his side was happier. The Shinji that lost Misato was sadder, more guarded and afraid but he still had the spark in his eyes Kaworu saw in those photos. Shinji might have lost his innocence but he still had his heart.

So they kept the apartment.

There was also the problem of sleeping next to each other, so they agreed to have Shinji sleep in the guest bedroom. Staying together came with the usual issues of domestic differences and disagreements. Shinji was meticulous and particular about tidiness, while Kaworu was more lax about it as long as he knew where things were. The longer they lived together, the more honest Shinji was with his opinions. Kaworu had the patience of a saint, but even he pursed his lips in mild annoyance when Shinji chided at him for the fifth time that day about the state of his bedroom. 

Shinji definitely sensed it then and quickly backed off. The next day, Kaworu woke up to his partner preparing his favourite breakfast food. Accepting the non-verbal apology, he planted a soft kiss on Shinji’s shoulder and received a shy smile in return. 

They probably weren’t the most conventional couples out there, but this was fine. It was more than they could both ask for. 

So naturally, there would be more surprises along the way as time passed. 

It was ten o’ clock. Kaworu was reading on the loveseat, legs casually crossed, when Shinji plopped right next to him. His lips were set in a determined line and his stare was piercing and hard. Kaworu returned a stare with lesser intensity and more confusion. 

“Just a peck.” 

Kaworu blinked numbly. “Excuse me?” 

“We can kiss. But it has to be short.” 

Kaworu felt his mind blank for a moment, attempting to digest Shinji’s words. Picking them apart and examining the keywords. Then it finally clicked.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” He hissed and worried his lower lip. Kaworu's gaze instinctively narrowed in on his mouth. “Touching you for a few seconds won’t hurt you too much. You’re young, it’ll tire you, but you’ll recover easily.” 

“Why aren’t you so worried now?” 

Shinji swallowed nervously, eyes suddenly darting from his partner and his own hands. “Because you already know. And you chose to stay by me even after that.” 

In other words, Shinji trusted him. He put so much faith in Kaworu he was willing to set aside his biggest fears for him. He laid his heart out even though he put it at risk of another blow because his trust in Kaworu believing in him conquered the fear that had been agonising him for years.

Kaworu was brimming with emotions.

“Alright.” He set his book aside and faced Shinji. 

“Okay.” 

Shutting his eyes, Shinji took in a shaky breath and leaned in.

All he could feel was Shinji, Shinji,  _Shinji_. The boy felt simply wonderful connected to him like that. His lips were soft. He began to pull away, and Kaworu already ached from the loss of warmth. The light taste of green tea lingered on his lips. When his eyes fluttered open, the first thing he saw was how endearingly embarrassed Shinji was. His cheeks were dusted a shy pink and restrained desire pooled in those downcast eyes. At this impossibly alluring sight, Kaworu promptly threw all caution out of the window and chased after Shinji’s lips. 

A small sound of surprise escaped Shinji but he made no move to put a stop to the kissing and even timidly pressed back. Wrapping an arm around Shinji, Kaworu pushed them backwards till they were lying down, both firmly flush against each other. Shinji slid a hand around the back of Kaworu’s neck and rubbed circles on it with his thumb. Kaworu shivered under his touch and moaned softly against his partner’s lips. 

Shinji seemed absolutely pleased with his reaction, for he made a low noise at the back of this throat and arched his back to push himself further into Kaworu’s embrace. They parted for a split second, but then Kaworu’s name slipped past Shinji’s lips breathily and Kaworu dived back in, hungrily tasting the last vowel. He slid his tongue past Shinji’s parting lips and explored with an insatiable desire. It was burning hot and the taste of Shinji intensified from there. 

Shinji jolted, moaning at the foreign sensation, which sparked a shudder down Kaworu’s spine. 

Kaworu felt like he was floating. It was like his nerves were numbed, starting from the tips of his fingers and the ends of his toes and slowly crawling their way further up, concentrating on Shinji’s mouth. 

It took a moment to realise that was the case. 

He broke away from Shinji with a sharp gasp. There was a rush of wind. The next thing he knew, the floor collided with his side. He didn’t register the pain. Only the muffled cry from Shinji. 

* * *

 

The first thing he felt when he came to, was the sunlight hitting his eyelids. Peeling his eyes open, Kaworu blinked away the grogginess and took in his surroundings. He was in his bedroom. The blankets tucked neatly around him. Memories from yesterday flooded back in and worry crept up at him. Kaworu’s limbs were heavy like lead, but otherwise he felt fine. It wasn’t himself he was concerned over.

“Shinji?” He called out.

Seconds later, the door swung open and Shinji burst in. His eyes widened when they fell on Kaworu and he hovered anxiously over him to check if he was alright. Once he was convinced, peppered with Kaworu’s own confirmation, that there was nothing wrong with his partner, his tense shoulders slackened considerably and he broke into a relieved smile. 

“You idiot.” Shinji choked back his tears. “You  _complete_  idiot.” 

Kaworu smiled weakly. “I suppose I am.” 

“I was so scared. I thought that…” He trailed off, unable to bear voicing out loud his fears. Shaking his head weakly, he tried to chase away those macabre thoughts plaguing his war-torn mind. It was at this moment that Kaworu had a proper look of Shinji ever since he came to. Enervation festered in his red and puffy eyes. The dark circles under them were proof he had been literally losing sleep over Kaworu. Kaworu’s heart crumbled at the sight of Shinji so distressed because of him. To think that he, despite doing all he could to put Shinji at ease, had just added more anguish to his already tormented heart. But because of this revelation, his resolve strengthened monumentally.

“I’m not going anywhere. Don’t you remember? I made it my life goal to make you shed tears of happiness every day.” 

A broken sob escaped Shinji. He all but collapsed onto Kaworu, careful not to touch anywhere uncovered. 

“I love you.” Shinji whispered softly into his chest, but his words were deafening, echoing across every part of Kaworu’s mind and down every inch of his body. Following right after was the blooming of pure happiness, spreading everywhere and filling him with warmth. There was a faint blissful thrum throughout his body and Kaworu knew then and there that there was one and only person in the world who would make him feel such happiness. His eyes burned and tears prickled at them but he feverishly blinked them back. 

“I love you too.”

They stayed like that for a while, reeling in their own emotions. Shinji was the first to move. Sitting back up, he looked fondly at his partner. Gone was the agony in his expression.

“I’ll get you some water. You hungry?” 

“A little.” 

Shinji walked out and came back with a cup of water and some bread. 

“Breakfast in bed?” Kaworu couldn’t help himself. “How romantic.” 

Shinji’s mouth quirked into a smirk. “Prince Charming, at your service.”

“You are.” Kaworu commented almost immediately, relishing in the way his smirk fell and his cheeks flushed. Even till now, Shinji never got used to Kaworu’s romantic advances, which he found endearing to no ends. 

Shinji silently watched him sip the water, eyes glazing over in thought. Kaworu tore a bit of the bread and popped it in his mouth as he waited in patience. 

“I’m sorry. This… power is insanely strong. I had it for as long as I remember. I don’t know if my parents have it, but I’m quite sure they didn’t. Why else would they chuck me to Misato?” 

Kaworu chose not to address the question. "Have you ever learned to control it?" 

Shinji scowled, defiant frustration flashing across his face. "I tried. Trust me, I _tried_. But I just can't control it." 

"I trust you." Kaworu said softly. "But I also believe you're stronger than you think." 

Shinji opted not to respond. Instead, he tenderly brushed Kaworu’s fringe away from his face, sad eyes lazily tracing his features. “I wish I have that much faith in myself.” 

Sadness washed over Kaworu, who had the compelling urge to pull his partner in for a crushing embrace. “I want you to be unafraid of yourself and for people. I think that’s what Misato would have wanted as well.” 

Shinji stilled. It seemed like the thought had never crossed his mind and he had an epiphany hearing it, giving him the encouragement he never knew he needed. His eyes softened and his lips stretched to a loving smile. “You never fail to surprise me, Nagisa Kaworu.”

Kaworu recovered completely after he had something in his stomach. Things resumed after that. 

Then, a few days later on Friday when they were watching a movie, Shinji turned to Kaworu. Their shoulders were pressed against each other and their arms were hooked. 

“Hold out your hand. Take off the glove too.” His gaze was determined but wavered for a second.  

Naturally, Kaworu was puzzled but did as told. He held out his hand before Shinji, palm up, and stared at him in anticipation. Shinji sucked in a deep breath and proceeded to peel off his glove as well. Kaworu gasped at the implication but said nothing. 

Shinji reached out a hand and hesitantly rested his fingers on Kaworu’s palm. 

There was the familiar white glow under the pads of Shinji’s fingers. Shinji yanked his hand away, hissing in frustration at the outcome. It looked like a light was being shined underneath the skin on both of their palms where they touched. Though he was completely aware of how dangerous this ability was, Kaworu was also fascinated by it. It was a peculiar sensation when they touched. Kaworu didn’t notice it before because he was preoccupied with other things when they happened. It tingled like mild electric shocks, and when they broke contact, it numbed only slightly – probably due to the period of contact being so short. 

Shinji groaned, interrupting his train of thought. He glared at his hands, the cogs in his head twisting and turning in a meticulous frenzy.

“Guess I gotta work on it more.” He wondered aloud.

He looked like he needed time to figure it out, so Kaworu left him a cup of tea on the coffee table. 

* * *

 

“Kaworu.” 

Said boy hummed in response.  

“Give me your hand.” Determination was set in Shinji’s tone. 

Kaworu did as told. 

This had been going on for a month. Every few days, Shinji would ask him to practice with him. In the first week, nothing worked. Fuelled by his ambition to succeed and his guilt for hurting Kaworu every time he failed, Shinji pushed himself to his limits every time. His efforts, while determined, infuriatingly weren't enough and Shinji would often be frustrated with himself to the point of tears, angrily deeming himself a hopeless cause. Kaworu would coax him back every time with kind encouragements and gentle caresses, which Shinji would respond with an exhausted sigh. But he would continue to persist. In the next few weeks, their progress fluctuated. On some days, Shinji could hold it off for a few seconds but on others they were back to square one. Their brief glimpse into what they could achieve made a huge significance, proving to themselves they weren't working towards a dead dream. Despite knowing the potential, the hurdles weren’t any easier to go through, unfortunately. 

Brows furrowed in deep concentration, Shinji prepared himself. He balled his hands into tight fists before releasing. Kaworu observed him with bated breath. The wait never got less anticipative than the last.

His outstretched fingers brushed his, deliberately starting at the pads of Kaworu’s fingers to the bottom of his palm before ending in a loose grip around his hand. 

Nothing happened. They both stared blankly at their linked hands, awaiting the glow on their skin but there was no change. Five seconds stretched to thirty and then a full minute and still there was nothing. And then their brains finally caught up. 

Their jaws dropped. 

 _Nothing_ happened. 

Simultaneously, they snapped up their heads to gawk at each other. Kaworu was still slack-jawed. Hope slowly and tentatively crossed Shinji’s face, like he was trying his utmost to stomp away premature happiness lest he was setting himself up for more disappointment. His hand hesitantly slid up Kaworu’s arm to his face. There was a tremble in his movement but neither paid heed to it. Shinji was fixated on Kaworu and nothing else. 

Shinji’s palm was warm and smooth against his cheek. Shinji cradled his face, his touch featherlike and painfully tender. Kaworu sensed his fear beneath his wonderment, like he was frightened one wrong move would break the magic spell and shatter this beautiful dream. Kaworu let out a deep sigh, indulging in his partner’s touch while it lasted.

And still, nothing happened. 

Laughter was caught in Shinji’s throat and tears threatened to spill from his gleaming blue eyes. Kaworu saw the pure elation written all over his face and finally allowed himself to accept that yes, this was real and  _yes_ , this wasn’t too good to be true. His fear dribbled away and made way for courage and curiosity to narrate his next move. Raising a hand, he placed it gently over the one of Shinji’s cheek. His other hand, still gloved, stretched to pull off Shinji’s remaining glove. His hand shook and fumbled in the process but he didn’t have it in him to laugh at himself. Once he slipped it off Shinji went on to do the same for him. The gloves were haphazardly thrown to one side and they grasped for each other.

“Oh my gosh.” Shinji breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You did it.” Kaworu beamed, still dazed in rapturous shock. “You did it, Shinji.” 

Shinji leaned forward and eagerly pressed his lips against his partner’s. 

Despite being shaky in their every step previously, their kiss was sure and languid. There was no countdown, there was no danger. There was no desperation in their movement this time, as if this kiss would be their last. They could touch each other as much as they like and for as long as they like. They could wake up next to each other, be the first thing they lay their eyes on every morning. The impervious barrier that separated them, that drew up a screen between them, that pulled them apart no matter how close they were, was lifted. It dawned upon Kaworu like the first rays of light after a downpour, streaming through parting clouds and falling upon the dark streets below. His body sang in euphoria and he couldn’t help but chuckle into the kiss. 

Shinji’s eyelashes fluttered against his eyelids, light and intimate. Kaworu could count on one hand the number of times they were so up close to each other. There were many moments Kaworu held dear to his heart and this one, right here with Shinji, carved its own place in the middle of it all. Shinji sighed softly into his mouth, sliding the hand on Kaworu’s cheek to the back of his neck and thumbing the skin right below his ear. They pulled away but only slightly, breathing heavily in each other’s spaces and basking in each other’s affections. 

Galaxies of stars were shimmering in Shinji’s eyes and Kaworu could see them all. After spending countless times gazing into them, he knew that shade of blue by heart. It was the darkest of sapphires, twinkling with quiet courage and mature beauty. Kaworu saw in those eyes the expanses of the deep seas and endless span of evening skies. Shinji called him an angel before, but so was he. Angels weren't always defined by their alabaster skin and poise. They were kind and beautiful, and they make mortals feel blessed to have been graced by their presence. Shinji was the most angelic person Kaworu had met and he was blessed to have loved him and be loved by him. Enraptured, he closed in again, savouring the taste of Shinji as they melted under the touch of each other. 

* * *

 

The morning sun peeked between ivory curtains, the slit in between drawing a perfect line right in the middle of the room. The rest of the sunlight bled through the translucent curtains, casting a soft, warm glow over the bedroom. It was a comforting warmth, given the approaching winter.

They were roused from their sleep minutes ago, blankets curling loose around their stomachs. Shinji was tracing intricate patterns down his partner’s arm, mesmerised by his own work of art. The pads of his fingers left tingles in their path as he drew labyrinthine spirals. His fingernails lightly scraped his skin when he drew sharp curves. When his imaginary art completely filled up Kaworu’s arm, Shinji ran his palm from his shoulder to his wrist and repeated the process. Kaworu closed his eyes and let out an appreciative sigh, enjoying the ticklish sensation. 

Shinji soon grew bored of the activity and nuzzled into the crook of his bedside companion’s shoulder. “Kaworu?” 

Said person leaned onto his head and hummed in response. 

“Remember the first time we met?” 

“Of course I do.” 

“Why did you approach me?” 

His very first memory of Shinji drifted into mind. Looking back, it was startling how they got here. Never would he have thought that the distant boy by the sea would end up right next to him. “You looked terribly lonely. Like a secluded statue, untouchable by everything.” 

“That’s some way to put it. I thought you knew about me. I was scared. So I ran away.” Shinji snorted as he recalled their first few interactions. “But then you kept chasing after me. I was still scared. I didn’t believe there would be someone who would be so enamoured with me. But here you are, proving me wrong.” He planted a soft kiss on Kaworu’s shoulder. 

“Thank you,” Shinji murmured into his skin, “for being you.” 

That night, they headed out. Shinji forwent his gloves but continued wearing long sleeves and trousers. Though it was a chilly autumn night, Shinji wanted to attempt losing one piece of concealing garment. Baby steps, he said as he linked arm around Kaworu. Despite proving to be completely in control of his power ever since the previous night, it was best to practice vigilance in the crowd. Where anyone could jostle him from behind and elbow their way past him when he least expected. 

Despite that fact, there was newfound confidence in his steps. Even when they walked into a huddle at the traffic light, Shinji didn't shy away from the mass. He has lost some of that caution in his eyes which Kaworu had thought to be long ingrained in his wary nature. Shinji's arm around him was relaxed. Pride welled up in Kaworu at such a sight and he pressed a kiss on his temple.

They swung by a pub. Fairy lights hung over them like enormous stars over the night sky that was the ceiling. The jazz music playing over the speakers commingled with the jabber of patrons as they clinked their glasses on the table or against each other. As they wandered through the place, Kaworu lit up at the sight of a jukebox and tugged Shinji towards it. He didn’t think he would see one at this age. Both of them cooed over the dated phonograph, exclaiming fondly at nostalgic record hits and belting out renditions of their favourites. 

“ _Look into your eyes I see a paradise, this world that I’ve found is too good to be true._ ” Shinji crooned softly, the white light from the jukebox reflecting on his blue eyes. “ _Standing here beside you, want so much to give you, this love inside my heart that I’m feeling for you._ ” 

Shinji sent a verecund smile his way, which did a number on Kaworu's heart. Dazed and spellbound, Kaworu stared at him. He was unsure if Shinji chose this song on purpose, but it made his heart flip and his chest tighten uncontrollably. Kaworu felt his cheeks colour. The smile on Shinji's face morphed into a teasing smirk. So it was no accident, then. Snapping out of his trance, Kaworu turned back to the jukebox, running his eyes through the lists. Two could play the game. 

“ _At last my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song._ ” He casted a meaningful look at his partner.

Shinji giggled. “I guess I was wrong.” 

“About what?” 

“You don’t sing like a goat. You sound worse.” 

Kaworu made a scandalised gasp, raising a hand to his chest. “You just lack the musical finesse to appreciate my voice.” Hunching over the machine, one particularly famous love song stood out and without missing a beat he picked it. 

“Really?” Shinji groaned as the iconic pop ballad blasted from the jukebox, even though he couldn’t help the smile that was stretching across his face. A playful grin tugged at the corner of Kaworu’s mouth and he offered his hand to his partner.  

They swayed to the slow rhythm as they were serenaded by the velvety purr of Elvis, accompanied by guitar strums and chorale of harmonies. The song drifted through the air, washing the pub with a wave of amorous ataraxy. Without the fabric separating their intertwined hands, they relished in the feel of their hand against the other. Blissful warmth rippled from Kaworu’s hands and spread throughout his body, leaving him languid and sated. With every step they take, they move marginally closer to each other till their chests were pressed up against each other. Swaying on the spot, they moved in a way that they centred around each other, like they were each other’s core and so couldn’t keep their gazes and hands off one another. They caught each other's eyes and exchanged beatific smiles. Lulled into a sentimental moment, Kaworu mouthed the lyrics of the ongoing song. 

“--- _Take my whole life too, for I can't help falling in love with you._ ” 

Entranced by the way the fairy lights danced in his eyes, he leaned forward to nuzzle Shinji on the nose. Shinji chuckled, slightly bashful at the intimacy.  When Shinji pulled away, the smile on his face spoke thousands. He beamed at Kaworu like his life had been shrouded in darkness and Kaworu was the sole beacon of light that came in and illuminated his Cimmerian world. Kaworu tipped his head forward and brushed his lips against Shinji’s. Sighing into the kiss, Shinji tilted closer and deepened it. Shinji tasted like happiness and serenity and everything Kaworu loved.

The dim lights fell on them, the soothing ballad and indistinct chatter faded into the background as the two lovers basked in beatitude, enveloped in their own world.

**Author's Note:**

> I wonder if Shinji is eligible for the X-Men now.
> 
> I would like to thank Siriuslyscarredforlife for spell-checking my work, who made me realise that sometimes, the most simplest of errors can be invisible to the eye.


End file.
